There’s a specific kind of drinking that can keep someone stuck for years because it doesn’t look dramatic enough from the outside to raise alarms.
You still go to work.
You still pay the bills.
You still take care of your kids.
You still show up for people.
You probably even look successful… and maybe you really are successful.
But underneath all of that, there’s a quiet voice asking questions you don’t really want to answer.
Why is it so hard to stop once I start?
Why do I think about drinking this much?
Why does it feel like I need it to relax, socialize, cope, celebrate, unwind, or feel normal?
Why do I keep promising myself I’ll cut back… and then not doing it?
In this episode of the No Alcohol Needed Podcast, Julie Miller, Steve Knapp, Mike Coyne, and Amber Fenner talk honestly about what it actually looked like before alcohol created obvious devastation in their lives. They talk about functioning alcoholism, high-functioning drinking, self-deception, emotional numbness, and the subtle ways alcohol slowly shrinks your life long before anything fully falls apart.
Watch the full video episode on our YouTube channel, or keep reading for a summary of the main points covered.
What Does “Functioning Alcoholic” Really Mean?
The term itself is controversial.
Mike immediately pushes back against it, joking that a “functional addict” is basically a unicorn because, in his words, “if you are doing something that is bad for your health… and it’s reached the point where it’s affecting your life, then that’s not really functioning.”
But the reality is that many people search for the phrase functioning alcoholic because it describes a confusing middle ground.
You haven’t lost everything.
You may not even look like someone with a drinking problem.
But something still feels off.
Amber described it this way: “On the outside, yes, you’re performing. You’re hitting your numbers. But on the inside, everything is on fire.” You can technically “function” while still feeling exhausted, disconnected, anxious, emotionally numb, ashamed, lonely, or trapped in a cycle that’s slowly getting worse.
Why It’s So Easy to Convince Yourself You Don’t Have a Problem
One of the hardest things about alcohol is that the consequences often show up gradually.
Julie talks about how she was still running a farm, homeschooling kids, cooking meals, and managing a household while drinking heavily. From the outside, she looked incredibly capable.
Steve describes going to work hungover or drunk and still getting everything done. That became proof, in his mind, that he didn’t really have a problem.
Amber compared herself to people whose drinking looked “worse,” which made her feel normal by comparison.
That’s one of the traps of high-functioning drinking: as long as life still appears manageable, it becomes very easy to rationalize what’s happening.
You tell yourself:
- “I’m still successful.”
- “I’m still showing up.”
- “I haven’t lost anything important.”
- “Everyone drinks like this.”
- “I’m just stressed.”
- “I just need help relaxing.”
- “I can stop whenever I want.”
Until eventually you try to stop… and realize it’s much harder than you expected.
The Early Signs Your Drinking Might Be a Bigger Problem Than You Think
For many people, the warning signs appear long before major consequences.
Julie remembers realizing she was drinking more than she intended and struggling far more than expected when she tried to stop. Steve remembers the progression becoming more obvious over time. First everything seemed manageable. Then responsibilities slowly started slipping. Amber remembers being confronted by her boss, who gently pointed out that her personality changed at a certain point during the night. Mike talks about how isolation became a huge red flag. His life slowly narrowed until everything revolved around work and protecting his ability to keep using substances privately.
Some of the biggest warning signs discussed in this episode include:
- Constantly thinking about drinking
- Repeatedly trying to cut back and failing
- Using alcohol to cope with stress, anxiety, loneliness, or social discomfort
- Feeling defensive when someone expresses concern
- Needing alcohol to feel comfortable around other people
- Progressively drinking more over time
- Feeling emotionally numb
- Structuring your life around opportunities to drink
- Feeling relief when plans get canceled because you’re hungover
- Hiding or minimizing your drinking
None of these necessarily look catastrophic from the outside. But they’re worth taking notice of.
What Alcohol Takes Away Before It Takes Away Everything
One of the most powerful parts of this conversation is the discussion about what alcohol quietly steals long before someone “hits rock bottom.”
For Amber, it was authenticity. “It robbed me of meeting this whole version of myself.”
For Steve, it was the ability to truly feel emotions and connect with people. “I lost my ability to feel.”
For Mike, it was his health, honesty, connection, and sense of alignment with the person he wanted to be.
And for Julie, it was joy inside her own memories. She shares a painful story about receiving a digital picture frame filled with family photos and realizing many of the memories felt covered in shame, regret, or emotional fog because of alcohol.
That part is easy to overlook. Alcohol often doesn’t immediately destroy your life. Instead, it slowly disconnects you from yourself.
From your emotions.
From your relationships.
From your curiosity.
From your confidence.
From your ability to grow.
From your sense of possibility.
How to Know If You Really Need to Quit Drinking
Nobody on this episode tells listeners they have to label themselves an alcoholic. Instead, the conversation focuses on honest reflection.
Mike encourages listeners to look for patterns and progression. If drinking keeps escalating or continues creating the same problems over and over, that matters.
Amber suggests getting curious about what need alcohol is meeting and experimenting with other ways to cope with stress, anxiety, overstimulation, or discomfort.
Steve encourages listeners to “look at the data.” If you’ve already made rules, promises, and attempts to moderate over and over again, the evidence may already be there.
Julie asks listeners to think deeper:
- Is alcohol helping you become the version of yourself you want to be?
- Is it helping you create the life you actually want?
- Is it causing more good than harm?
- Is it helping you grow, or helping you tolerate things you shouldn’t be tolerating?
Those questions matter far more than whether you technically qualify as an “alcoholic.”
Maybe It’s Not That Bad… But Is It Actually That Good?
One of the most important ideas in this episode is this: A lot of people stay stuck because their drinking hasn’t become catastrophic enough yet. But “not that bad” doesn’t necessarily mean good.
Amber points out that many people settle into a mediocre version of life without realizing how much more is possible. Julie talks about how impossible it would have been for her drinking self to imagine the life she has now. Sobriety opened doors she didn’t even know existed.
That’s one of the hardest things to explain to someone who’s still on the fence. You cannot fully imagine what becomes possible when alcohol is no longer keeping you small.
Final Thoughts
If you’re searching phrases like “functioning alcoholic,” “high functioning drinker,” or “do I really need to quit drinking,” there’s a good chance some part of you already knows it’s worth looking at more honestly.
And that doesn’t mean your life has to completely fall apart before you’re allowed to make a change.
You do not have to wait for devastation to choose something better. Sometimes the biggest sign is simply that you’ve started asking the question at all.
Resources & Episodes Mentioned
- No Alcohol Needed Podcast Monday night Zoom community
- Episode about relapse after years of sobriety (referenced during the discussion)
Want to hear the full conversation?
This post is based on Episode 193 of No Alcohol Needed: the Podcast – “Signs You May Be a High Functioning Alcoholic”
Watch on YouTube or listen on Apple Podcasts / Spotify for more personal stories and insights from the hosts and guests.
- Signs You May Be a High Functioning Alcoholic - May 19, 2026
- Why Sobriety Can Feel Empty (And How to Find Purpose Again) - May 11, 2026
- Supporting a Loved One Who Drinks Too Much (Without Losing Yourself) - May 4, 2026