You want to stop drinking. You’re looking for support, people who understand, and some ideas for how to handle life without alcohol.
But the conversation keeps coming back to God.
Find a higher power. Hand it over. Pray about it.
If those ideas don’t connect with you, it can feel like there’s an impossible requirement for getting support: you have to believe something you don’t believe.
In this episode of No Alcohol Needed, Julie and Steve sit down with Sean and David to explore that disconnect. Their experiences include church, ministry, questioning, returning to faith, and finding meaning if you don’t believe in God.
Meet the Voices of No Alcohol Needed: the Podcast
They don’t arrive at one definition of spirituality. They don’t agree on exactly what a higher power needs to look like – or even that you have to have one. Instead, the conversation explores what helps each of them live without alcohol, how their understanding has changed, and the role that responsibility plays in a sustainable alcohol-free life.
Watch the full episode here, or keep reading if you just want a quick summary.
When the beliefs you grew up with stop working
David’s background includes Bible college, youth ministry, and serving as a Baptist pastor. But knowing how to talk about God didn’t mean he knew how to stop drinking.
His father had described a dramatic religious experience that led him to leave alcohol and drugs behind. David wanted that experience for himself. He pleaded for his drinking to be taken away while watching the things he cared about slip further out of reach.
It didn’t happen the way he hoped.
That gap between what he expected faith to do and what he was experiencing meant he had to reconsider much of what he had been taught.
Julie also grew up surrounded by Christianity, including attending a private Christian school. For her, questioning those beliefs involved untangling shame and examining how religion had affected her relationships. Today, she doesn’t believe in God as defined in the Bible, though she describes an evolving sense of spirituality.
Sean’s exploration took him in another direction. After years of studying different traditions and practices, including Buddhism and mindfulness, he returned to following Jesus. He describes that as the path that makes sense for him, while acknowledging that someone else’s path may look different.
Their stories leave room for an experience that can be difficult to explain: the beliefs you inherited may not be the beliefs you can honestly live by today.
And questioning them doesn’t have to lead everyone to the same place.
Related: Spirituality and Sobriety: A Fresh Perspective
Do you have to have it all figured out to quit drinking?
Partway through the conversation, Julie asks whether someone needs a solid definition of what they believe before a lasting alcohol-free life is possible.
The discussion makes an important distinction between having every answer and finding something that helps you engage with life.
For Steve, an early understanding of a power greater than himself was the weather. He couldn’t control whether it rained. He could decide how to respond.
He wasn’t starting with a detailed spiritual philosophy. He was recognizing that the world operated beyond his wishes, and that he still had choices within it. And that was enough to start with.
Julie describes being at peace with uncertainty. Her understanding can evolve as she has new experiences. She doesn’t need a written definition that will remain unchanged forever.
Sean and David place considerable importance on a higher power or spiritual foundation in their own lives. Their descriptions are broader than a single religious doctrine; instead they create their own personal understandings of what has helped them.
For a listener who doesn’t share those beliefs, that distinction needs to be acknowledged. Hearing someone’s experience gives you something to consider, but it doesn’t require you to adopt their explanation as your own.
You can ask what feels useful, what doesn’t connect, and what you’re still unsure about. And all of that is okay.
What needs does a higher power meet?
The conversation becomes especially useful when Julie asks what needs a higher power helps meet.
Purpose. Connection. Perspective. A way to face the limits of what you can control.
Sean describes his faith as a source of grounding and a way to practice love and forgiveness. David talks about approaching difficult circumstances with a willingness to learn and consider the next step, rather than viewing himself as a failure.
For Steve, standing on a mountain offers perspective. Looking out across a landscape he cannot direct or rearrange reminds him how small his sphere of control really is. That experience brings him back to a practical question: what can he act on today that might improve his life or someone else’s?
Julie finds much of her purpose in connection. Experiencing meaningful relationships after she stopped drinking changed how she understood her place in the world. Her desire to show compassion, offer forgiveness, and become a better person is tied to the impact she can have on others.
These experiences have different explanations, but they point toward needs worth examining in your own life – no matter what your belief system:
- What helps you feel connected?
- What gives your life meaning?
- Where do you turn for perspective when a problem consumes your attention?
- What helps you accept the things you cannot control?
- What guides the way you treat other people?
You don’t have to use the same language or share the same beliefs as someone else to explore those questions.
Why “pray about it” can leave someone feeling alone
One of the clearest points of agreement comes when the group discusses what happens after someone reaches out for help. A person shares something painful. They admit they’re struggling. And the response is: pray about it.
Even Sean and David, who value prayer, describe how frustrating and dismissive that response can feel.
The problem is completely ignored.
Someone has taken the risk of being vulnerable. They may need space to explain what’s happening, help with understanding their options, or another person willing to stay with them through a difficult moment.
Julie describes a response that sends someone away to pray as a missed opportunity for connection. Instead of feeling seen and supported, that person can be left holding the problem alone.
Steve adds that suggesting prayer assumes it belongs to the other person’s practice. For someone who doesn’t pray, it may offer no usable next step and can even be hurtful.
The conversation offers other places to begin: get grounded in the present, look honestly at the situation, and ask what help is needed.
Julie’s approach is collaborative: what actions can we take, and how can we walk through this together?
That willingness to stay engaged is what can really make a difference. Someone doesn’t have to share your beliefs to listen, care, and help you consider what comes next.
Related: What if AA Doesn’t Work?
Belief doesn’t take away personal responsibility
The discussion becomes particularly direct around the phrase “character defects.”
Julie raises the frustration of seeing harmful behavior explained away as something God hasn’t removed yet. Someone recognizes that they’re hurting people, but responsibility for changing seems to sit somewhere outside them.
David pushes back on that idea from within his own experience of faith. Belief still involves action. Saying you want to improve means putting that intention into practice.
Sean agrees. Love has to show up in behavior for another person to experience it.
Steve brings the point back to his own reactions. If hearing someone talk about religion makes him respond in a way he’s not proud of, and he wants that response to change, he has something to work on himself.
There’s room here for both imperfection and accountability. Everyone has behaviors they need to examine. Being a work in progress still means doing the work.
Whatever words you use for the pattern, the practical questions remain: what am I doing, how is it affecting people, and what do I need to do differently?
Prayer may be part of someone’s response. Reflection, support, apologies, and changed behavior may be part of it too. Having a belief doesn’t absolve anyone of responsibility for how they treat others.
Different beliefs can exist in the same conversation
Throughout the episode, all of the participants return to how much they appreciate being able to discuss something so deeply personal without needing everyone to agree.
That’s incredible valuable for someone who feels caught between wanting community and wanting to be honest about what they believe.
In this conversation, faith is meaningful to some participants. Uncertainty is part of others’ experience. There is room for both.
You may hear something that resonates. You may disagree with an explanation. You may find a useful question without accepting the answer someone else has for it.
Julie’s closing encouragement is to engage with the world around you: notice other people, explore how you can connect and contribute, and allow yourself time to discover what fits. It’s okay if you dont’ have answers right now. There are still relationships to build, choices to make, and ways to participate in life while the questions remain open.
Listen to the full No Alcohol Needed episode 204, “What If You Don’t Believe in a Higher Power?” for the conversation about faith, uncertainty, connection, and taking responsibility in life without alcohol. Watch it on Youtube, or listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
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