From the outside, AA can look like the place to go when alcohol starts taking over your life. For many people, it’s the only recovery path they’ve ever heard of. But what happens when you walk in, sit down, and something in the back of your mind says, “This isn’t where I belong”?
In this conversation, Julie and Steve sit down to chat with Alexandra and Barclay about the complicated, honest reality of getting sober without AA. If you find yourself wondering if AA is your only option, wondering what to do if it didn’t work, and wondering how to get sober another way – you’re in the right place.
Keep reading – or watch the full YouTube video below
Julie sets the tone right away.
She reminds listeners that AA has helped many people, and it deserves respect for what it has offered through the years. But she also says out loud what many feel afraid to say: it isn’t the only way, and it isn’t always the best way. “There are really good parts of AA,” she says, “and it also isn’t always everything someone needs.”
What follows is a very real, compassionate conversation about expectations, identity, disappointment, and the paths that opened when each of them finally allowed themselves to choose something different.
What We Thought AA Would Be
Before any of them ever walked into a meeting, each person carried their own set of expectations. Alexandra assumed AA required claiming an identity that didn’t feel true to her. “I felt resistance and stigma around what AA would be and what I’d have to call myself,” she shares.
Steve describes his first meeting as a leap he didn’t have time to think about. “I quit on a Sunday night and I went to a meeting on Monday,” he says. “I had never seriously considered quitting before, so it was the only place I knew to go.”
Barclay walked in with fear and hope tangled together. He’d tried to quit before. He’d slipped more times than he could count. “This was the last stand,” he says. “I was scared of opening up. I didn’t know what to expect. But it’s what I needed at the time.”
Even Julie, who attended only one AA meeting to support Steve, remembers how heavy it felt to identify herself in a way that didn’t match her understanding of her journey. In her small town, anonymity wasn’t realistic. “Everyone would have known my car was there,” she says. “That wasn’t where I needed to be in those early days.”
When AA Doesn’t Fit
The turning point for each of them wasn’t about AA itself, but about what happened when the program didn’t match the kind of connection, safety, or identity they needed.
For Alexandra, the shift came slowly. She joined AA five years into sobriety because she needed community after stepping back from Instagram. But the fellowship she found in one part of her home country of Bali felt rigid and judgmental. “People were passive-aggressively attacking me for not calling myself an alcoholic,” she says. “I didn’t even realize it at first.”
The moment she attended a meeting across the island and no one pushed that identity on her, she realized the problem wasn’t AA. It was the specific group. “The people make the norms,” she says. “And sometimes the people make it unsafe.”
Barclay’s experience was similar. “You’re expected to sponsor, to go to workshops, to be all in,” he says. “It felt like drinking the Kool-Aid at times.” He describes moments when people confronted him after meetings about things he shared, moments when judgment drowned out connection. “I needed Mr. Rogers. I needed to be accepted for exactly who I was. I didn’t always get that.”
For Steve, the problem became identity. In the early days, calling himself an alcoholic helped him face the truth. But as he grew, something shifted. “My words have power,” he says. “And what I call myself shapes who I become. I didn’t want that identity to be forever.”
It wasn’t that they were rejecting AA or the principles behind it… they were just outgrowing it.
Creating a Path That Works
If AA wasn’t the right fit, what did each of them do instead?
Julie: Rewired and the power of reflection
Julie’s real turning point came from the book Rewired by Erica Spiegelman. “It’s basically a build-your-own recovery program,” she says. Chapters like honesty, authenticity, and time management opened her eyes to the internal work she’d never done. She journaled for weeks, peeled back layers she didn’t know existed, and pulled Steve along for the ride. “I needed somebody to talk to about all this cool stuff I was learning!” she laughs. “It changed everything.”
Steve: Healthy habits and constant curiosity
Steve’s recovery became less about a program and more about becoming the healthiest version of himself. “Healthy people communicate, connect, reflect, take action,” he says. “I just modeled my life after that.” When something felt uncomfortable, he learned to ask, “What can I learn from this?” It became the rhythm of his life.
Alexandra: Yoga, meditation, and spiritual grounding
For Alexandra, the heart of recovery is spiritual practice. Yoga, meditation, teaching, retreats – all of it keeps her grounded. “It’s regulating my nervous system,” she says. “It’s living in a way where I cause less harm, where I’m moving through the world with intention.” She found that step eleven in AA wasn’t taught in a practical way, so she built her own meditation approach instead.
Barclay: Connection, service, and helping others online
Barclay found meaning in being open about sobriety on social media and supporting others with his own experiences. “I never saw that coming,” he admits. “But people message me saying I helped them get sober.” It keeps him rooted in the life he wants, even when others criticize him. “If you tell me I can’t do something, I’m gonna do it five times.”
Life on the Other Side
Today, none of them identify as AA members, but all of them carry pieces of it – connection, honesty, accountability, spiritual grounding, choosing yourself.
“The real recovery magic happens inside you,” Julie says. “In your heart, in your head, in how you learn from every uncomfortable moment. AA can help you get there. So can other paths. What matters is that you don’t try to do it alone.”
Steve echoes that wholeheartedly. “There’s no medal for getting sober alone,” he says. “Community changes everything.”
If you’re looking for an easily accessible, safe community this isn’t based on AA and is free to attend, check out the weekly support group we offer on Zoom: click here for more information and to get the access link.
One Step You Can Take Today
Before they ended the episode, Julie asked everyone to speak directly to the listeners: What’s one step someone can take today if they want to get sober without AA?
Here’s what they said:
Alex:
“Find quit-lit, podcasts, books, creators. You don’t have to get vulnerable yet. Just listen. Let other stories give you ideas and hope.”
Barclay:
“Know your why. Write it down. And make sure you’re doing this for yourself, not for someone else.”
Julie:
“Find a community where you can simply listen. You don’t have to talk. You don’t have to turn your camera on. Just being near people walking the same road makes a difference.”
Steve:
“Don’t do it alone. That’s the one common thread I’ve seen. Community opens doors you didn’t know existed.”
Listen to the whole conversation
Want to hear the full conversation?
This post is based on Episode 166 of Through the Glass Recovery – AA Isn’t Your Only Option: Here’s How People Get Sober Without It
Watch on YouTube or listen on Apple Podcasts / Spotify for more personal stories and insights from the hosts and guests.
More resources about getting sober without AA:
My name is Barclay Mullins, I am a single dad, 46 years young. I live in Louisiana and just hit 6 years sober from alcohol (2/10/19).
Currently in the movie world, hoping to reunite with a house with white picket fences and take long walks on the beach with a lady.
In my free time I post memes on social media and live one day at a time.
Alexandra McRobert is a 500-hour registered yoga teacher educator, certified life coach, and holds a Bachelor of Arts and a Bachelor of Education from Queen’s University in Canada. She has lived overseas since she was twenty three in Kuwait, Abu Dhabi and Bali, Indonesia. Alex founded The Mindful Life Practice, a worldwide community for those seeking connection and spirituality on a recovery journey – whether that is recovery from alcohol addiction or something else. Alex teaches yoga online and in-person in Bali, and she leads retreats in Bali and around the world. She also runs 200-hour and 300-hour yoga teacher trainings. Alex is the host of the Sober Yoga Girl Podcast. In her free time, she writes, plays guitar, and likes to spend time with her cat, Princess.
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