If you’re finding it almost impossible to overcome fear of failure… you’re not the only one.
Almost everyone can name something they want to do… and also name the reason they haven’t done it yet.
Start the business.
Leave the job.
Sign up for the race.
Have the hard conversation.
Make the change.
But the moment they think about trying, the fear shows up.
Fear of failing.
Fear of judgment.
Fear of proving the worst thoughts about themselves true.
In this episode of the No Alcohol Needed podcast, hosts Julie Miller and Steve Knapp, joined by guests Sean Rollinson and Matt Shambo, dig into what fear of failure actually looks like in real life and how learning to face it can transform the way you move through the world.
Watch the full episode, or keep reading for a summary.
Fear of Failure Is Usually Fear of Shame
One of the first insights from the conversation was that most people aren’t actually afraid of failure itself. They’re afraid of what failure might say about them.
Julie explains it this way: “It’s not even really a fear of failure, it’s a fear of shame. Because if I fail, everybody’s going to see me and then I’m going to feel shame.”
For many people, especially those who struggle with perfectionism, avoiding shame becomes the real goal.
Steve immediately recognized that judgment is often the first thing that comes to mind when we think about trying something new. Matt summed up the fear in one sentence: “If I fail, what do you think of me?”
Sean added another layer that many listeners relate to: “That core belief that I’m not capable will actually show itself in truth.”
This is why learning to overcome fear of failure isn’t just about courage. It’s about challenging the stories we tell ourselves about what failure means.
What Fear of Failure Looks Like in Everyday Life
Most people don’t say, “I’m afraid of failing.”
Instead, fear shows up as procrastination, distraction, and overthinking.
Sean described it perfectly: “I do the dishes, I clean the pool, I reorganize my sock drawer… when I know I’m doing that, there’s something I’m avoiding.”
Suddenly the least important tasks feel urgent.
Julie recognized the same pattern in her own life, especially before she quit drinking. Instead of facing the real problem, she tried to fix everything else. “I tried every supplement out there… I tried journaling more and reading all of the books… anything but the one thing that actually needed to change.”
Fear also disguises itself as negative self-talk.
Matt described the inner dialogue that often shuts people down before they even start: “Convincing myself it’s not worth it… like what’s the point?”
If you’ve ever wondered why you can face some fears but not others, this is often the reason.
Fear convinces you that trying isn’t worth it.
Related: Overcoming Fear In Recovery
The Hidden Fear: Success
Another surprising idea came up in the conversation.
Sometimes the real obstacle isn’t fear of failure. It’s fear of success.
Sean explained it this way: “I’m afraid to fail at the successes that this thing could bring me.”
Success brings responsibility.
Expectations.
Pressure.
For many people, that feels overwhelming.
Steve described the tension clearly: “If I take on the responsibility… what am I going to have to give up?”
This is especially common in sobriety. When people stop drinking, they suddenly have to face emotions, goals, and possibilities they previously avoided. Learning to deal with this anxiety without alcohol means learning to face both fear and possibility at the same time.
Facing Fear in Real Life
Each person on the episode shared a moment when they faced something that scared them.
For Matt, it happened at Disney World.
Roller coasters had terrified him his entire life. But after getting sober, he decided he didn’t want fear deciding what he could and couldn’t experience. “I didn’t get sober in life to not do these things.”
He got on the ride.
And then another.
And another.
What changed wasn’t the ride. It was his relationship with fear.
Moments like these are how people slowly build confidence without alcohol and discover that fear doesn’t have to control their choices.
Julie’s Lesson From the Trail
Julie shared a story from one of her long backpacking trips.
What started as a two-person hike turned into a solo journey when her partner left on the first day. Julie had to decide whether to go home or continue hiking hundreds of miles alone.
She stayed.
Fear didn’t disappear. In fact, it showed up constantly.
But she learned something important about how to overcome fear of failure. “Our goal isn’t to make the fear go away. We have to learn how to let the fear walk alongside us.”
This is one of the biggest mindset shifts people experience in sobriety.
Instead of numbing fear, you learn to move forward while feeling it.
When Fear Means Betting on Yourself
For Steve, the conversation about fear of failure is very real right now. He moved 1,600 miles away and started building a completely new life. That decision meant confronting one of the deepest fears many people experience.
What happens if believing in yourself doesn’t work out? “I chose to believe in myself. And if I failed at that, what do I have left?”
It’s a vulnerable place to stand.
But he came to an important realization. “The only way I can give myself hope… is to look at it from the perspective that I’m going to learn something.”
This shift is key for anyone trying to overcome fear of failure.
Failure becomes information instead of identity.
Why Trying Changes Everything
Later in the conversation, Matt struggled to identify a recent failure.
Not because everything had gone perfectly, but because his perspective had changed.
Trying itself had become success.
Steve pointed out the implication of that mindset: When you try, the fear loses its grip. Because even if things don’t go the way you planned, you gain experience, perspective, and confidence.
And those are the things that make the next step easier.
Confidence Comes After the Fear
One of the most powerful takeaways from the episode is that confidence doesn’t come first.
Confidence comes after action.
Steve explains it bluntly: “The confidence you are looking for is on the other side of facing that fear. The confidence doesn’t come before it.”
Alcohol used to create temporary confidence. Real confidence comes from experience.
From trying.
From learning.
From showing up again.
Who You Become When You Face Fear
At the end of the episode, Julie asked a simple question.
If someone listening right now decides to face the thing they’re afraid of failing at, who will they become?
Sean’s answer captured the heart of the entire conversation:
“You’ll be the person that did the thing.”
Maybe it works. Maybe it doesn’t.
But you will no longer be the person wondering what might have happened.
You will be the person who tried.
Meet our guests – the voices of No Alcohol Needed
Listen to the Full Episode
If you’re working to overcome fear of failure, build confidence, and create a full life without alcohol, this conversation goes much deeper than what we covered here.
In the full episode, Julie, Steve, Sean, and Matt talk about:
- Why fear of failure and sobriety are closely connected
- How perfectionism fuels anxiety and procrastination
- Why facing fear builds confidence over time
- How small actions compound into massive personal growth
Listen to the full conversation on the No Alcohol Needed podcast to hear the entire discussion. Find us on Spotify / Apple / YouTube.
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