It always starts quietly.
That tiny voice that shows up when life gets stressful or when nostalgia hits just right. The one that says you’ve been sober long enough… you’re better now… one drink won’t hurt.
Episode 171 of Through the Glass Recovery Podcast opens with that familiar tug-of-war of the tempation to try moderate drinking. Julie welcomes listeners into a conversation about moderation – specifically, the voice that tries to convince you that you can drink “normally” again. And for anyone in early sobriety – or anyone wrestling with the exhausting push-pull of maybe I can, maybe I can’t – this episode feels like sitting around a table with people who truly get it.
Lucy, Brenton, and Bry show up ready to tell the truth about what moderation looked like in their lives, how sneaky that voice can be, and what finally set them free.
Watch the full episode now, or keep reading for a summary of the main insights from the episode.
The Voice in Your Head: “Maybe You’re Cured”
Julie opens by asking what the “moderation voice” sounds like for each of them.
For Lucy, it was never just one voice. “I’ve always had those two parts – one trying to choose better for myself and the other telling me I deserve a treat.” She described moderation as becoming the referee between those two internal arguments: the part of her that wanted health and stability, and the part that still believed alcohol was some kind of reward.
Bry shared how that voice showed up after 18 months of sobriety – back in 2020, before this current season of recovery. She remembered heading into a business dinner thinking, “I think I’m cured. I can have one martini.” That single drink didn’t lead to disaster that night, but it did start a slow slide: “Two nights later I thought, ‘I can have one.’ A few nights after that, ‘I can have two.’ And within six months, I was back in a huge alcoholic hole.”
Brenton’s moderation voice showed up differently. For him, it was nostalgia. “Sometimes it flares up when I’m living in the good memories that involved drinking,” he said. There were real, joyful moments in his past that included alcohol – but he learned to separate the memory from the belief that alcohol caused the joy.
Steve shared a similar experience, especially at places tied to old drinking rituals: “I was sitting on the dock where I always had a drink, and I remember wishing I could have one. It was the nostalgia of wanting to relive that picture.”
When the Brain Still Reaches Backward
One of the most relatable moments came when Julie shared a story from her Camino de Santiago hike. She accidentally drank part of an alcoholic beer after the server grabbed the wrong bottle.
She didn’t feel anything physically… but the old thought still came.
“Later that night the thought popped up – ‘See? You’re fine now. You didn’t even want more.’ And it shocked me. I had no desire to drink, none. But the automatic thought was still there, like a monster waiting for an opening.”
The group nodded. Because that’s how it works: not always loud, not always dramatic – sometimes just automatic.
The Dangerous Myth: “Normal Drinkers Can Do It, So Why Can’t I?”
Bry – who tattoos recovery symbols on people every day – talked about how easy it is to get caught comparing yourself to the “normies.”
“I’d watch friends have one drink at dinner and think, ‘They can do it. I can do it.’ But chemically, my brain doesn’t work like theirs.”
In rehab, she saw it laid out visually – actual brain receptors firing differently in people with addiction predispositions. She even had the genetic markers for it.
“Seeing it on a chart changed everything. It wasn’t willpower. It wasn’t me failing. It was biology.”
Lucy added that even people who can moderate don’t always control the outcome. “Most people don’t intend to be the one throwing up at the end of the night. Something derails them. And that’s just one night. Over a lifetime? You just never know what stressor is going to tip the scales.”
Why Moderating Alcohol Is Exhausting
One of the biggest themes was the endless mental load of trying to manage alcohol.
Julie remembered making charts in her calendar to control her drinking. “I wasted so much time writing rules, breaking them, rewriting them. All that energy was going into drinking or trying to not drink.”
Lucy described similar mental gymnastics – whether she’d “earned” a drink, whether an event required one, whether she could keep up appearances.
But she also described something powerful:
“When I finally let it go, it was so much less work. Moderation is work. Sobriety – real sobriety – was freedom.”
Brenton echoed that: “When you don’t need something outside yourself to get through life, it’s insanely empowering.”
If you’re ready for some individualized coaching to get you past moderating and into real freedom, check out the coaching packages we offer here.
When Life Throws the First Hard Thing at You
Both Julie and Bry shared a turning point that many listeners will recognize: the moment something painful happens and all the moderation rules go up in flames.
For Bry, even after proving she could “only have one,” stress or anxiety always found the cracks. “As soon as life got lifey, the self-medication voice kicked in.”
For Julie, it was losing her dog – an unexpected grief so deep that every rule she’d built collapsed instantly. “Six months into moderating, I was drinking whiskey at 10 a.m. out of the bottle. I was ten times worse than I’d ever been.”
It was a moment of clarity neither of them forgot. As Steve said, “If alcohol is on the table, even a little, it will always be the first place your brain reaches.”
The Gift of Taking the Decision Off the Table
One of the most practical pieces of advice came from Steve:
“Just remove the maybe. If it’s not an option, you don’t have to decide 50 times in one day whether you’re drinking.”
Decision fatigue is real. And many listeners wrote in saying this one idea changed everything for them.
Lucy added that cultural support matters too. When cafés and events offer alcohol-free options, it reduces the need to defend your choice or explain yourself.
And when your social circle changes – sometimes for the better – you begin to see who respects the boundary and who doesn’t.
What Letting Go of Moderation Gave Them Back
To close the episode, Julie asked each guest the same question:
What’s one gift you received when you finally let go of moderation?
Here’s what they said:
Bri: “Freedom. Freedom from the war in my head.”
Brenton: “Peace.”
Lucy: “Me. I got myself back. My joy, my buzz, my life.”
Julie added her own:
Opportunity.
All the energy she used to spend drinking, not drinking, planning to drink, and beating herself up for drinking… now goes into creativity, connection, and a life she actually wants.
The whole conversation ends with this sense of relief – a collective exhale from people who once spent years wrestling with “maybe I can moderate” and finally found something better on the other side.
Want to hear the full conversation?
This post is based on Episode 171 of Through the Glass Recovery – Thinking About Moderating? Here’s What We Learned the Hard Way.
Watch on YouTube or listen on Apple Podcasts / Spotify for more personal stories and insights from the hosts and guests.
Another episode about voice of alcohol moderation:
Meet Our Guests:
Brenton Sconce is a recovery advocate and leadership professional passionate about helping others do hard things, build identity, and create lives they love. He founded BEAR (Build Empower Achieve Recovery), with its centerpiece event—the Bear Challenge: Bloomsday ’26 Edition—raising funds for aftercare scholarships and inspiring resilience through action.
Socials (FB, YT, TikTok, IG): @bearrecoveryfoundation / @officerecovery
Lucy Linger is a writer-director-producer working in theatre, film, and TV. She has been directing for over 20 years and her work has been seen at theatres and film festivals in the UK, Europe, and the USA receiving 5 stars and glowing reviews from renowned critics such as The Stage, Time Out, and The Independent and featuring on the British Comedy Guide. She is the Artistic Director of Threadbare Theatre Company and Linger Longer films.
You can visit her website at lucylinger.com
Bry Bleau: I am a Colorado native and 41 years old. I have been sober for just over 18 months. While I always had the mind of an alcoholic, my drinking escalated significantly during the final ten years of my addiction. I made countless attempts to get sober, each ending in relapse, until I reached a point of true desperation—the moment where I was willing to do whatever it took.
At that time, my family gave me the greatest gift imaginable by sending me to rehab. Rehab, in turn, introduced me to another life-changing gift: Alcoholics Anonymous. Life in recovery has exceeded anything I could have imagined. For me, finding a sponsor and working the Twelve Steps was transformative and laid the foundation for a new way of living.
Today, I am working my dream job as a tattoo artist with a focus on the therapeutic and healing aspects of tattooing. Sobriety & recovery art are my favorite. You can find me Bleau Ink at Inkology in Rifle Co.
I have rebuilt a meaningful relationship with my beautiful daughter, something I am profoundly grateful for. I am also deeply involved in the AA community, and working with other alcoholics brings me more joy and purpose than anything else in my life today.
I am endlessly grateful for sobriety, recovery, and the recovery community.
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